| One of the really dangerous elements of TV watching is the formation of an imaginary personal bond between a viewer and a person on TV. One day you're watching and the next you're fantasizing about shopping with the person or something. For most people this is mild, runs a natural course (no idol stays on top of the ratings forever)--however, in some cases bad things happen.
I've been watching TV for a really long time and have been both skillful and lucky enough to have avoided this sickness in all but 3 cases, as of today. I cured myself in the previous two cases by giving my TV away and not watching for a period of up to 1 year. Earlier, it happened for me with Mary Richard's friend Rhoda (the actress Valerie Harper) and Sabrina the Teenage Witch's Aunt Zelda (the actress Beth Broderick.)
The way this illness progresses is: I watch the show they're on and really get into it. Then I start to really get into the actress's character, like I start wishing the character could be a real person I could meet. This fills me with some bad feelings about myself. In an attempt to rationalize I reason that the actress is real and the character is not. It is only the genius of the actress that is bringing the depths of the character alive. Thenceforth the blood-brain barrier be breached. The fever takes hold.
It has happened anew after watching many episodes of "Sarah Silverman Program"-- now I am right back there again with "Sarah Silverman" and the actress who portrays her (actually, the same person.)
In sum: she terrifies me. That is the common theme which puts her in the lineage of a Rhoda and a Zelda: hypnotic fear. This is not a category of misogynistic fear. I simply believe these particular individuals would and could rip me to shreds, ruin my life. Just everything that I imagine about them as "real" people makes me believe that they can do this easily-- and then I think I feel something like love for them.
Terrible, ugly state of affairs. For public consumption, let me add that I am old so I could easily get away with saying that is the reason she terrifies me; I could avoid the whole the topic with an "I don't like her and I don't care for that sort of humor cuz I am old"-type-of-thing. But that isn't the truth. I like her show and the various other appearances by her of which I have partaken on my TV.
Luckily, I know where this comes from: my Mother. This dark agape exactly parallels the entwined fear and love in my bad relationship with her. She has black hair, also.
I know the steps to take to get back to solid ground, by now, though-- I'll be A-OK soon enough. And even better-- with the advent of internet viewing I can still watch some undangerous TV shows but must just avoid any with Sarah Silverman for a while (and Rhoda or Zelda, just to be safe.)
It is creepy and I hate to admit it but one can't ignore these things and let them fester; it's embarrassing and disappointing but I needed to get it out there. |
